Anxiety / Panic
Attachment Disorder
Bereavement / Grief
Co-Parenting / Step Families
Couples / Relationship
Premarital / Engagement
Telephone CoachingA simple process of downloading "forms" from the tab at the top and e-mailing them to will qualify you to have a one hour coaching session for $60 with a follow up e-mail summarizing the coaching session.  Or try the 1/2 hour "get acquainted" session for free.
Bereavement / Grief


Grief Telephone Coaching

Grief is about loss and encompasses death of a loved one, separation, divorce, moving, empty nest, loss of a job, becoming disabled, and many more areas. We most often think of grief as losing a loved one to death but the symptoms of grief are the same for any loss.  The American Academy of Bereavement has awarded me the Advanced Bereavement Facilitator Certificate and I have been a Hospice grief group facilitator for 15 years. I have also taught bereavement facilitator classes.  My experience and resources in helping you through your grief process is vast.  Here are a few tips that may be helpful:

  • Grief takes a great deal of time.  You may get impatient with yourself but it can’t be hurried.  You have to go through the swamp. It is the hardest work you will ever do.  There is no way around it.  The first year is hard because of anniversary dates, even some you may not recognize, such as the day a terminal illness was diagnosed or the day your husband asked for a divorce.  Others are more “in your face”—your loved one’s birthday, the anniversary of his/her death, holidays.  Letting go of things as usual is a slow and painful process. Find ways to celebrate and remember special days even if it is painful. 
  • Your emotions will be more intense than you ever imagined.  Grief assaults you with a range of emotions—anger, fear, frustration as well as extreme sadness.  We have no control over these feelings. They aren’t good or bad; they just are.  You can decide to express them in ways that are constructive or destructive. Getting drunk is destructive. Hitting a tennis ball or screaming in the privacy of your garage is constructive. It is perfectly acceptable to be angry at the person who died or left you and it is perfectly acceptable to write them an irate letter. 
  • You may lose your spirituality.  We are taught that God is good.  Death of a loved one upsets that belief.  It is OK to be mad at God. It is even OK to waver in your faith. When you have gotten to “acceptance”, however, you may find a renewed spirituality and may come to realize that “everything is in Perfect Devine Order”.
  • There will be confusion, forgetfulness, helplessness, fatigue, numbness, disorientation, and shock.  The best thing you can do is accept that this is part of the grief process and be kind to yourself.  Eat well, exercise, get enough rest, don’t expect too much of yourself, talk with people, find a support group, and breathe.  Eventually this phase of grief will pass.  In the meantime, make a few extra sets of keys or get a remote finder for your purse, billfold, and remote controls.
  • Guilt is a useless emotion.  It doesn’t change anything. Affirm, “I am guilt free” even while the guilt messages wash over you.  Say your affirmation aloud hundreds of times a day especially when you are thinking those “why didn’t I…” thoughts. 
  • “Bring it on”. Planned grief moments— visiting the grave, looking through memorabilia, watching videos, making his/her favorite meal--may  bring lots of tears but the more you plan grief sessions, the less grief will “grab you” unaware. 

This poem by a Veronica A. Shoffstall is for all loss but particularly lost love

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that loving doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrow’s road is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you ask too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.
And you learn, and you learn, and with every good-bye you learn.

And another quote that is helpful for loss of a loved one by death:

“You will not leave your sadness behind…But instead your sadness will no longer pull you down.  You will now carry it with you, inside you.  Remember this: You will carry it.  It will not carry you!”  Harriet Sarnoff Schiff

Here are a couple resources that are excellent for all kinds or loss experiences.

Life After Loss

Help for the Hard Times (this book is intended to adolescents but the concepts are so universal and so well put that it is excellent for any age, especially at a time when you concentration is probably poor)

Grief counseling services:  Counseling by phone - Online counseling - Counseling in your home

Copyright © ABC Solutions